omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
