Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
