chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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