3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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