Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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