Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
