Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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