AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
