well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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