I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
