i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
