Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
