My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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