No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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