fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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