i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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