I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
