dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
