listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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