If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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