I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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