i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
