Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
