watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
