He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
