dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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