Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
