just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
