every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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