so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
