So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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