That's when you crack a 10am beer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
