Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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