I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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