just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
