You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
