she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
