I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
