If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
