why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
