I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And then he peed in my hair
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