drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
