i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
