I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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