bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
