I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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