when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
