??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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