took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
