Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Im part way to drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
