His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
