i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
